Tell us a bit about your life before you started to change your appearance.
When I left school, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I went to Barclays bank and stuck at it for 30 years. I got out in the 70s and became a manager of an 'alternative' bookshop, which basically meant it sold gay porn. I did that for seven years. Sir John Gielgud was a customer, and a bloke from Coronation Street. Then I ran a mail-order children's bookshop from home and it was very successful. I'm retired now.
So it was hard to express yourself in the early days.
I was always a bit of a rebel and exhibitionist. I'd be told off at the bank for wearing shoes with a gold buckle or my trousers wouldn't be the right width. One day I went to work wearing a bright blue suit and I was told off for that, so the next day I came in wearing an old army pullover and that didn't suit either. I was just so pissed off with them. I've been the happiest in my life since I left that bloody bank.
After living a fairly conventional life, did you reach a point when you just wanted to go wild?
Even as a kid I wanted tattoos. As soon as I finished with banking, I went and got some. I knew nothing about piercing at that time, that all started when I went to a car boot sale in 1996 and picked up a magazine with a girl on the front cover called Geraldine from Dublin. She had some fabulous tattoos and piercings and I thought, "I'd like some of those..." and I went from there. I didn't know about piercing until then.
Just for the record, how many piercings have you got?
Round about 500.
What was your first?
It was a little butterfly thing on my nose, but there was no backing on it and one day, when I was shaving, I noticed it was gone. The next main one was my eyebrow piercing. The guy who did it was a nightclub bouncer and very heavy-handed. It bled for half-an-hour and hurt like hell, but it didn't put me off. The trouble is a lot of the people who did my piercings are not available any more. The guy who did my genital piercings has gone out of business for being a bit naughty with his female clients.
Have you had any piercing disasters?
One time a piercer hit a vein and the blood was just spurting and didn't stop. So they called an ambulance and the owner of the shop banned me from returning for more work. He was worried I'd have a heart attack because of my age.
Do your piercings cause you any difficulties?
No, apart from shaving. It's not as easy as it used to be - I use a nose clipper to get in between the jewellery - but I manage. I used to have piercings up my arms and I'd be in a market and people would knock into me or I'd catch one of them on something, but the rest don't give me much trouble.
How much have you spent on your adornments?
Quite a bit, I lose track, but easily a few grand. The horns on my head, the transdermal implants, cost about £500 for the pair.
Why the make-up?
There are tattoos underneath, but they aren't bright enough for me. I think I just enjoy looking quite startling! I wear it most days, like if I'm going out to a restaurant. If I'm staying in, I'll still wear a little bit. I never got out barefaced.
When you started, did you ever think you'd look like this?
Not at the beginning, but after a while I saw how it was going and was very pleased with how I looked, so I decided to carry on. I'd heard about Elaine Davidson, who has about 3,000 piercings and is in the Guinness Book Of Records for having the most piercings in the world. She inspired me and I've got to know her quite well. She's done a little bit of work on me, but no-one could have more than she has. No-one could top that.
What kind of reactions do you get?
Teenagers generally love it, and are always trying to think of excuses to talk to me. Some little kids are a bit nervous about it, there was one that was looking quite distressed and her mother brought her over to me so she could see I wasn't going to bite her or anything! Very rarely do I get people shouting things out at me, although I sometimes get the builder-types in their white vans shouting "Wanker" but I just shout out back "And you, mate!"
So you've never had anyone be physically violent?
Well, almost. I was in a hotel one Sunday evening and there were some Irish travellers in there. They called me over and I just thought they wanted to talk, but they started giving me little punches and pushing me about. Luckily, the manager wasn't too far away and he came over and asked them to leave. The police were called and they were barred from the premises. I generally get a good response from people.
Do you feel a bit like a tourist attraction?
I do, I love going to Camden and chatting to the tourists and letting them take pictures.
You must enjoy the attention.
Sometimes I get a little weary of the same questions, but it's generally OK. As soon as I step out of the door, I can't avoid it. In Tesco some little kids came over to me and asked "Does it hurt?" and "How many do you have?" The usual things.
What's your average day like?
It depends - if it's too hot or cold I stay in. I sometimes visit the Jubilee Centre in St Albans for elderly people, but the food's not that brilliant. They have a roast on Wednesday and I usually go in for that. There are a few hostile OAPs who complain if they get an chance. If I'm wearing a skirt they try and make out they can see something, things like that. But most are OK. There's one guy, Eddie, who has a lady friend in Hove who he visits once a week; when he goes there he always picks up some gay porn magazines for me, which is very nice of him.
Do you ever regret the changes you've made to your body?
No.
Never once?
Never. A woman at a tattoo convention said to me, "You'll regret those when you're old." I said, "I'm old now, love!" I'm lucky because what I've done doesn't affect much in my life, I was a late starter - I was in my 40s when I had my first tattoo. I'd say to young people to never have something that would interfere with their employment prospects. Have tattoos, but have them where they won't affect your life in that respect.
What kind of media attention have you attracted?
I did a commercial for Accurist watches and all the Tube stations had great big posters. A band called The Naked Apes had me on the cover of their CD. I was on the Trisha show a long time ago, I think it was called 'You're Too Weird' or something. It was about people who thought their friends or family were crazy for looking a certain way. They dragged a doctor on to say that what I was doing was very dangerous. You had the old farts in the audience that hated it all, like you always do.
I was in Red Dwarf with Craig Charles, series eight, episode one. I've also done a freakshow called The Modern Primitives with Garry Stretch, Power Tool, who is a dwarf who hangs things from his cock, Lucifire, The Enigma and Katzen. They're really nice to get on with, particularly Enigma.
Does being labelled a 'freak' annoy you?
No, not at all. I don't think of the word 'freak' in a derogatory sense, it's just part of what we are doing. It's reclaiming the word 'freak' in a positive way.
How are you received in other countries?
I love Vienna; I've been there a number of times. I'm better known there than I am here. They're very friendly, I'd walk back to my hotel after midnight and have no fears. I had a hard time at JFK airport, so it will be a long time before I go to New York again. It was on the way home, they went through all my baggage, strip-searched me and searched me intimately. They were very offensive, they obviously thought I was up to something, and when I got back to Heathrow it happened all over again. It was awful, although they were very nice on the plane and gave me a cup of tea. In New York the people were fine, a cop car rolled up beside me when I was sitting on a bench and the officer asked how many piercings I had.
You were in the local news back in 2003 after an accountant refused to complete your tax returns.
That really annoyed me. I went along and gave him my bits and pieces, but a few days later I got a letter saying he couldn't do the work for me as my appearance upset him. I wouldn't mind, but he had Tourette's syndrome! The funny thing was after our first meeting I didn't need to see him again, he had all the paperwork. He also said I smelt, which was charming. I was so incensed I contacted the local paper and they ran a story on it. It was ridiculous.
You're openly gay now, but you were married once.
I was married for 20-odd years and we had a daughter, who I don't speak to. It's nothing to do with my appearance, although she doesn't like it; we actually had a falling out before I did all of this. I sent her a letter last year when I was quite ill, as I thought she should know, and I had a letter back, but I haven't actually spoken to her in years. My daughter has two offspring and I tried to get in contact with them. I thought, "They haven't done me any harm, so when I snuff it they can have a share of what's going," but they never replied and I've just written them off. I'd prefer it not to be this way, but I'm used to it now and I live with it.
What about your wife?
She found somebody else, someone I introduced her to, and she became obsessed with this person. I was very fond of her and still liked her and I told her to go and get it out of her system and then come back after a few months, but she never came back. She went up north and got involved with a bad crew, and then one day she crossed paths with a mental patient who had just been released, and he knifed her to death. This guy was a real loony, but they caught him and sent him back to the asylum. I didn't go and identify the body or anything, her brother did all that. At the time when the news came through I was working in my bookshop and my first thought was, "God, what was I doing yesterday?" in case they tried to pin it on me.
How do you get over something like that?
You just do, you get on with it. As I said I was fond of her, but I wasn't in love. We met when she was quite young, I was on a youth-club trip to Wales and met her outside a fish'n'chip shop and we made a date. She was very attractive and it went from there. Then she found out she was pregnant and we married, which I did want at the time.
When did you realise you were gay?
I was very uncertain when I was still at school as I could fancy certain girls and also be happy to go down the fields with a male friend and masturbate. So I was torn between the two and still was when I met the wife. It was during that period I thought I must be bisexual.
Did your wife know about your sexual preferences?
Oh yes, as time went on I was finding it slightly difficult to perform and I had a male nude book by the bed and would glance at it to keep me going.
That must have gone down well at bedtime.
I didn't do it blatantly!
What do you think your parents would make of you now?
My mum, after a little hesitation, would take it in her stride. My father wouldn't be so keen, but he'd be alright after a while. When I look at old photos, I used to wear some ridiculous things and he used to manage to deal with it.
Have you got anyone special in your life now?
I have a friend who I like very much. He has a girlfriend so I don't push it, but I'm very happy with the friend-ship. I'm not that worried about full-blown sex, if it's there, fine, but I'd rather have the companionship.
Do your genital piercings hinder sex at all?
I haven't had sex for a while so I'm not sure. I don't think it would be a problem. When I rang a medical helpline recently about prostates, they said I should ejaculate every now and again. I already did, but it's nice to be told I should do it!
Do you still hit the clubs?
I used to go to a lot of the fetish clubs like Torture Garden and Slimelight. I last went to one in 2004. I wear as little as possible when I go clubbing. I wear hardly anything on the lower half and something very skimpy on top. The people are so friendly and accepting, I always have girls coming up to me because they want to touch me and my piercings. I wouldn't want to go to an ordinary club. I was hired by a millionaire for a private party and he paid me to walk around his nightclub to mingle with the guests and talk to people and it was awful. There was very little response and it was so crowded and I didn't really talk to anyone - I hated it.
If you hadn't modified yourself in this way, how would you be now?
If I hadn't got into this, I'd probably have just sat around and watched the box. Instead I have lots of young friends, I enjoy their company and I get to travel around a lot. Having said that, I get a free TV licence later this year, so there are some benefits to being old!
Are you going to carry on with body modification?
Yes, I want more piercings, but I'm also going to have some more tattoo work done and I'm going to have my penis tattooed black maybe. I quite like the idea of having spikes along my head like a metal mohican. I just enjoy my image. I look in the mirror and think, "That looks good." I remember driving my car and looking down at my arm with tattoos and liking what I saw and then looking at the other arm that had none and thinking how boring it looked. I don't think it's any more deep-rooted than that. I'm extreme anyway. I don't care if people like it or not.
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