We do sometimes have Spinal Tap-esque disasters with props, but the way we see it is: when it goes wrong it goes right!

PRE-EMPTIVE FALSE RAPTURE
Out now; Southern Records

The cosmic dream child of Leo Smee (bassist with doom-metal demigods Cathedral) and his octopus-armed drummer brother Milo, Chrome Hoof were born of an experiment to get as many people onstage at once (wearing monks’ robes made from mirrorballs). And when you throw into the mix P-funk lolloping grooves, spin-on-a-dime prog freakouts and anvil-heavy titanium-plated metal, you have an unholy yet propulsively righteous experience. And we haven’t even mentioned the 15ft-tall metallic goat man who gets onstage with them yet…

Hello Chrome Hoof, what is the name of your giant goat man?

Leo: For a start it has no gender. Although it does have a massive codpiece, so you are forgiven for thinking it is a man. Its name is Skronntax, a distant relative of Tiberious (seventh son, I think). It stands 14ft high with laser-beam eyes, and when Kruged up on champers it dominates the dancefloor, eyeing up its prey and looking for Mayfair ciggie butts to smoke.

Milo: We do sometimes have Spinal Tap-esque disasters with props, but the way we see it is: when it goes wrong it goes right!

Do you consider yourself a dance band with metal influences or vice versa?

M: Versa vice!

L: That’s too slender an option choice. We don’t consider in those terms, I suppose. When you grow up, musical interests often become diverse.

M: Between us we like music with beats – music without beats! Slow, brooding stuff, and some hi-energy gay disco! And easy-to-digest power-pop, and complex highbrow stuff that is only rewarding after your 777th listen! I know it serves a purpose to genre-hole stuff – so I guess prog-doom-disco is a reasonable approximation of our sound. Have I just contradicted myself in the same breath again? Well, good!

All metal is basically pantomime, anyway. Discuss.

M: Best ask that question to some Norwegian black-metal fans. Metal is life-or-death to some people. Life is a pantomime to others.

L: We haven’t received any real hate from the metal community so far, thank Zade, but we have played to some very confused punters along the way. Some people get it, some don’t. We’ve had objects thrown at us and been called freaks, but that’s fine by us. As long as we’ve made a few people think differently then job done! For example, the other members of Cathedral totally dig what we’re doing. I don’t think what we’re doing is that far removed from Cathedral. We’re all into prog, doom, avant, disco and Slade. It’s just how extreme one chooses to journey into these genres.

Are you the first metal act to incorporate a bassoonist?

M: We’re no more a metal act than we are a turnip act – but both have influence, for sure.

L: There’s probably a band from Hungary or Estonia from 1973 that did it, but you never know, maybe we are the first…

M: I don’t know if our instruments are that bizarre, but as well as the bassoon we have gongs, chains, piano hearts. And it’s not that bizarre, but chewing on eggs sounds great through a 100,000-watt sound system.

What is the philosophy of Chrome Hoof?

M: In a pecan nutshell: enjoying crafting alloys from different musical ores. People see themselves as polarised – agendas, tastes, lifestyles: “I’m like this – and definitely not like that.” “I agree 100 per cent with this brand of weedkiller – the other stuff isn’t tested out on sea krill!” But everything is jealous of its opposite and in the end is another side of the same guff.

When will you know that your work on this planet is done?

M: When Steve Davis wins his seventh world title – and has the clout to commission us to write a new snooker theme tune.

People resurrecting prog and space rock is all very well, but where will it end?

L: Space doesn’t end. Infinity is a harsh mistress, as you know! John Doran