Life’s not exactly been a beach for Brighton’s old West Pier. It must be sick and tide of bad luck. Once an elegant promenade complete with concert hall, a series of storms, collapses and fires have reduced it to stagnant scaffold, festooned with bedraggled seaweed beards, bowlegged with barnacles and looking more battered than the haddock sold in the chippies lining the shore.

In contrast to many other traditional Brit seaside resorts, though, the rest of Brighton seems to be on the up; the thriving gay scene is pink and perky, the winding lanes are teeming with designer boutiques, and in summer flocks of tourists almost outnumber the flocks of seagulls (and are probably less likely to shit on your head, although we’re sure there’s a few scat fans among them).

The immense buzzing that greets us as we enter Brighton Racecourse makes us wonder whether some biblical plague of mosquitoes have decided to take a holiday here too. However, it’s not insects – it’s ink sects. The sound actually comes from the whirring tattoo machines of over 130 UK and European skin artists, gathered for the first ever Brighton Tattoo Convention.

INK OR SWIM

The event is the brainchild of Black Heart Tattoo Supplies boss Woody, whose experience at conventions in London inspired him to organise a similar top quality gathering, but with the smog and smegma of the capital replaced by the bracing brine of his favourite coastline. The idea seems to have been a big hit with punters; not only are the exhibition suites packed tighter than a spandex zentai crotch with people perusing books of flash designs, purchasing handmade tattoo machines, and, of course, trying to suppress their beached wails as they endure another hour under the needle, but there’s a real holiday vibe in the air.

Hotel prices are lower than Satan’s basement at this time of year, so most attendees have made a long weekend of their visit, and everyone’s looking forward to Sunday’s afterparty at Barfly, when Vince Ray and The Boneshakers will be making Brighton rock.

We’re supposed to be meeting Woody, but our progress is hindered by the fact that we keep getting wood; the place is teeming with sizzling hot women, and it’s tricky to trot about when you’re stiffer than a pirate’s gangplank. The Suicide Girls have a stand, corseted cuties flyer for underwear stalls, and we bump into one of our fave Ultra Vixens, Brighton coastess with the mostess Sakura, who’s here as part of the Tattoo FX team.

‘We’re tattooing a guy who lost his leg in an accident tomorrow’, she tells us. ‘He’s having a skull drawn onto his stump, with R.I.P. and the date of the crash.’ We leave her to put her feet up; not long ago she had Adam Sage hand-tap a Hindu eye on each of her soles, along with a teeny swastika on the underside of her big toe.

TIDE MARKS

Elsewhere, many of the designs being etched are quite traditional, with rockabilly-style swallows and hearts in high demand. There’s plenty of more unusual stuff going on too though: a colourful scalp cover is drawing a big crowd, while an artist from Inka Tattoos (wearing must-have black latex gloves) applies an outline down his own leg.

Keith Page, well known in convention circles for showing off his extensive Mark Bailey body work by donning a neon Borat one-piece, lets us have a peek at the cupcake hidden in his armpit, and we feel sorry for the melancholy maiden wincing away as Jo Harrison adorns her spine with a phoenix; Jo’s technique involves building up colour in fine lines rather than using a wider gauge needle, and as well as producing a custom blended effect, it reputedly stings more than humping a bee hive.

Another decorated damsel has the Goblin City from The Labyrinth across her lower back; being big Bowie fans, we love the concept, but we’re disappointed to hear she has no plans to extend the Bog of Eternal Stench down her arse crack.

It’s reflective of the new respect that refined branding and scarification techniques are receiving amongst the tat pack that Quentin of Kalima Emporium is garnering a lot of praise for his work using electro-cautery tools to burn patterns into solid blocks of black ink.

However, the guy to take gold from us is new-wave pricking prince Jef, from Brussels-based studio Boucherie Moderne. His surreal pixelated portraits remind us a tad of Banksy graffiti, while his 3D designs are like nothing we’ve ever seen before; done in red and blue ink, they jump out from the skin when you don a pair of 3D glasses. Blink alternate eyes, and scissors seem to snip or an anatomical heart appears to be beating. We think ours just stopped. Perhaps the jolt of a tattoo gun would help to jumpstart it…

www.brightontattooconvention.com
www.boucheriemoderne.be

WHILE YOU’RE DOWN THERE…

You’d be a complete Wonka to visit Brighton and not pop into Choccywoccydoodah to drool over their lifesize cocoa skulls or warm your cockles with a decadent hot chocolate.

If you’re a bit of a rum ‘un who fancies a stronger beverage, the Hobgoblin and the will serve you one on the rocks with a rock soundtrack to match, while The Basketmaker’s Arms has secret messages hidden in tins all over the walls – see if you can find Bizarre’s. Rubbin’ your nubbin’ and turned on for clubbin’?

Steer clear of West Street if chavvy hen parties peck your head, and instead catch Sirens, a sultry girl-friendly burlesque and pole-dancing night at Candy Bar every third Sunday of the month. We met some of the lithe ladies, including Ultra Vixen Babybones, and their pasties were even tastier than the meat and potato kind.

Still hungry to shake your rump? Super Dynamite Boogaloo at Komedia on Saturdays is good for a laugh if you fancy something camp, while more in-tents entertainment can be found at Vice and Vinyella fetish parties (www.viceparty.com, www.vinyella.co.uk).


WHERE TO FIND

Brighton Tattoo Convention
Brighton Racecourse
Race Hill
Brighton, BN2 9XZ
Brightontattoo.com

Choccywoccydoodah
24 Duke Street
Brighton
BN1 1AG
Choccywoccydoodah.com

The Hobgoblin
31 York Place
Brighton
BN1 4GU

Candy Bar
29 St James Street
Brighton
BN2 1TH

Caroline of Brunswick
39 Ditchling Road
Brighton
BN1 4SB

The Basketmaker’s Arms
12 Gloucester Road
Brighton
BN1 4AD

Komedia
44 Gardner Street
Brighton
BN1 1UN