The four-star Hotel Bredeney in Essen, Germany – usually home to conferences of a decidedly more sober nature. What the passing suits made of Fetish Evolution 2008 – four rubber-coated nights of pure decadence and chaotic fun – is anyone’s guess.

On stage, Asian rope expert Amrita showed off her skills to those not blinded by the fake cum flying from Jean Bardot’s huge strap-on. At the hotel bar, back-to-back afterparty extravaganzas saw fetish models zapping each other with electric cattle prods – shocking!

Sunday dinner boasted a hardcore rope suspension act from Emily Marilyn and Ruby Luster, with eye-watering insertion toys. The food was bland, but the show proved a hit. A-list fetish models, including Darenzia and Jean Bardot, squeezed into latex for Monday night’s FE Ball. Bianca Beauchamp turned heads with a leopard print catsuit and corset – a quick change later and her gymnastics in an indecent red outfit was reason enough to thank the elastic hydrocarbon polymer industry.